Distractions
by w1nter
Summary: For once there is absolutely nothing to do at Torchwood, and Jack is Bored with a capital B. Where's Ianto when you need him? Rated T for some mild sexual references - but nothing the kids can't handle. A fic consisting of much LOLZ. Please R&R! :D


Distractions

**Torchwood Hub, Cardiff, 11:30 AM**

Jack Harkness was, in a word, bored. For once he didn't have any paperwork to finish, and the rift wasn't doing anything interesting either – meaning that aside from the Weevils there were no aliens to fight, capture, kill, snog or save the world from.

Not that anyone would ever even consider snogging a Weevil. Ew.

Then Jack smiled. Ianto, on the other hand...

....

"Owen, have you seen Ianto?"

Owen looked up from sorting a vast array of scalpels and what may or may not have once been a part of an alien torture device, and cocked one eyebrow. "No," he said flatly, adding, "If you're looking for Ianto, you might want to extend your search and find a sound-proofed room, too."

Jack only raised an eyebrow in return, and left the room.

....

"Toshiko, have you seen Ianto anywhere?"

Tosh was typing rapidly away at her computer, and made no answer.

"Tosh?"

Still focussed on her computer screen, she replied in a monotone, "Can't talk. Busy."

Jack stepped forward. "How can you possibly be busy? There's no work to do since you finished those reports the day before yesterday, and I would have noticed if there was any rift activi—"

He stopped as Tosh uttered an uncharacteristic expletive. "Ja-ack! Look what you made me do! I was up to level _twenty-three_!"

Jack peered at the display on the screen. It read: GAME OVER. "Space Invaders, Tosh? Really?" _Someone really should start dating._

"Yes, Space Invaders," she said sulkily. "And now I'll have to start over! What did you want, again?"

"I wanted to know if you'd seen Ianto."

"Is _that_ all? He's probably off making coffee or something – did you check?"

"Erm, no," Jack admitted.

"Well, I haven't seen him, anyway," muttered Tosh testily, "so I'll just be getting back to this." And she turned back to her computer.

Shaking his head, Jack walked away, only pausing to add, "Cheer up, Tosh – it doesn't really get interesting until you hit level fifty."

....

Jack made his way to what was undeniably the hub of the Torchwood Hub – the coffee machine. Gwen was standing there, a mug of the steaming lifeblood in her hands. She took a sip as he asked, "Hello, Gwen, do you know where Ianto is?"

Gwen choked on her coffee, spluttering violently for a few moments before recovering enough to say, wide-eyed and too innocent, "No. No, I don't."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Gwen..."

Suddenly there was a piercing shriek that echoed throughout the Hub.

"That almost sounded like—" Gwen started.

"Myfanwy," finished Jack, and then they were running, Gwen's coffee sitting forgotten on the table. They reached the front room in a flash, and only narrowly avoided running over Owen and Tosh when they got there.

"Did you hear—?"

"Yeah—"

"I thought it was—"

"Where is that bloody pterodactyl?"

"Well, not in here – look!" Owen pointed at the main door, which was just rolling shut. "None of us came from outside, did we? So what went through?"

"Where's Ianto?" said Jack.

"More importantly, where's Myfanwy?" interrupted Gwen.

"Right – after it!" Pulling his gun from its holster, Jack galloped for the door, the rest of the team – sans one Ianto Jones – hot on his heels.

The moment they made it outside it became apparent where the escaped pterodactyl had gotten to; it was rather occupied in trying to tear chunks out of the nearby Millennium Centre. There were crowds of people on the streets, inevitably screaming and running every which way.

"This way, team! Come on!" yelled Jack. He was just about to lead them into the fray when there was a loud exclamation from Owen.

"Oh my God, is that really necessary?!"

Jack halted. "What, too cliché for you? You try coming up with a better battle-cry on the spur of the mo—"

"Jack," Tosh interrupted, "I think we've found Ianto."

Jack spun around, no doubt expecting to see the man's broken and bloody form adorning a nearby lamppost, but the sight he saw instead was quite different.

Covering his eyes with his hand, Owen muttered, "That was _not_ something I needed to see before the end of the world."

"Now I think I know what you see in him, Jack," Tosh said somewhat dazedly.

Gwen just groaned, and Jack could only grin, for there was Ianto, running down the street along with everyone else... but in decidedly less clothes.

"Ianto is streaking," said Jack in wonderment. "Ianto... is streaking. In the middle of Cardiff."

"Yes, Jack, yes he is," said Gwen, "but on the other hand, our pterodactyl is loose and terrorising innocent people!"

Tearing his eyes from Ianto's retreating backside, Jack turned to her. "Nothing you can't handle, I'm sure – just wave some chocolate at him and he's as docile as... well, as a... pterodactyl. Ianto and I managed, anyway. Now, if you'll excuse me—" He shrugged off his overcoat and handed it to Gwen. "—I have an animal of my own to track down."

"No, wait—" she began, but Jack was already halfway down the street, in his haste vaulting over any obstacles that happened to be in his way, including members of the public.

"Now what?" said Owen.

"What I'd like to know is why Ianto decided to go for a nude run – it's not like him," said Tosh.

Gwen remained silent, and the other two turned to her suspiciously. "It was a dare, okay?" she burst out. "We were bored, so we had a few games of cards, you know." They stared at her. "He lost. Badly." More staring. "Don't look at me like it's my fault! It was his idea, honest!"

"That – that still doesn't explain the pterodactyl getting out," Tosh spluttered.

"He must have let it out as a distraction," said Gwen, annoyed now. "He's such a cheater!"

"Well, it worked on most people," Tosh replied. "Not Jack, though."

"I repeat: now what?" said Owen.

There was silence for a few moments between the three remaining Torchwood team members before Gwen said with fake cheer, "So... recapturing a rogue pterodactyl armed with chocolate... who's coming?"

....

**Disclaimer + A/N:** I don't own any of this, so don't sue me, yeah? This was a helluva lot of fun to write – and I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did! Please don't hesitate to leave a review – tell me how much you loved or hated it, or what I can improve on. :D

To the readers of my ongoing story, _'Charming' _– I have not given up on it, I promise! Updates are coming as soon as I can get them done. :S

**Also: **Noofle has said she'll do a (skilled!) bit of art with her tablet pertaining to this story (BWAHAHAHA) so I for one will be keeping an eye on her deviantART page... not that I wasn't doing that in the first place, along with her Fanfiction and Fiction Press pages. ;P Noofle was also partly responsible for the idea for this fic, so that makes her doubly awesome. Go Noof! :D


End file.
